What is Anger?
We all know what anger is, we all have experienced it. Anger is one of the basic, but intense emotional states which involves a strong intolerable and unwilling response to any harm, threat or provocation that man can experience in their life.
Like every other emotion, anger is accompanied by both biological and physiological changes in your body. When you get angry, your blood pressure and heart rate will rise up, and so do the levels of your adrenaline and noradrenaline hormones.
Anger is a way which your body conveys a message that the situation is threatening, upsetting, unjust or unendurable. While it is quite normal to get angry when you’re being illtreated or provoked, it becomes a problem with the way you express it which harms yourself and the people around you.
The common natural way of expressing anger is responding aggressively which may sometimes take up to a fight and defend yourself from the threat. However, at some instances, we cannot lash out at any person or object (eg: laws and social norms which are accepted by the society) although they make us irritated.
On the other hand, we tend to justify our anger and aggressive physical behaviours believing that the people around you are sensitive to rectify your acts or to make people respect you, but the truth is it gives a negative impact on the way people see you and leaves a life long scar on your close friendships.
People use three main approaches to express their anger. They are Open Aggression, Passive Aggression and Assertive Aggression. Out of three the best way of expressing your anger is the Assertive Aggression.
Most of the time, many people have a tendency of lashing out in anger and rage when they are trying to express their feelings. Open Aggression may come out in fighting, arguing, bullying, shouting, accusing, criticizing etc. This physical and verbal aggressive behaviours can often hurt yourself and the people around you.
Many people, because they do not like confrontation, do not like to admit that they’re angry. These kinds of people hold in their anger, try to forget about it and focus on something positive. Their aim is to suppress their anger and pretend everything is fine, but the risk of passive aggression is that if it isn’t allowed an outward expression, it tends to turn out inside you which may cause high blood pressure, diabetes, weakened immune system and also hypertension and depression. This unexpressed anger can tend to get back on people indirectly rather than confronting them face to face and not surprisingly, they cannot maintain successful, lasting relationships.
The healthiest way of dealing with anger is assertive method which is where you have to control yourself, be confident and handle the situation by talking and listening. You have to think before you speak, talk about how you feel, make clear what your needs are and know how to get them done by being flexible and without hurting others. This helps to grow healthy relationships with people.
Manage your anger
Anger management is not learning to suppress your anger. If someone says to stop getting angry and not to express your anger is the best way to control your feelings, you need to know that it only makes you withdrawn from society and physically ill.
The correct way of managing your anger is dealing with it more assertively, understanding the reason behind the aggressive emotion and expressing it in a healthier way without losing your control.
Tips to control your anger :
Think before you speak.
In the heat of the moment you would probably say something that you’ll regret later. Take a few minutes before you express your rage and think about the best way to deal with the situation.
Identify the real source of frustration.
Sometimes we get into arguments over something silly. It’s always better to sit back and ask yourself, “what am I really angry about?” Identifying the exact reason will help you to communicate your emotions better and to find a proper solution.
Spending your time for a physical activity will reduce the stress. If you’re feeling angry go for a walk or a run or do some physical activities that will make you relax.
Try to forgive.
If you can forgive someone who angers you, you might be able to strengthen the relationship between you and them and also help to build up their respect for you. Holding a grudge will never make you better, but only swallowed by your own bitterness and injustice.
Using silly humor will always lighten up that dark moment and will help to defuse rage in many ways. But, remember not to use sarcastic words which will hurt others and make the situation worse.
Try to practice relaxation skills whenever your temper flares, such as deep breathing, visualizing a relaxing experience, repeating a calm word or phrase (eg: “Take it easy”), listening to music or doing some yoga poses.
Practicing anger management is not easy, but the more you commit, the pay off is really huge. Learning to control your anger and express it in a more assertive way will help to build up your relationships, achieve your goals and live a healthier and happy life.